December 1, 2006

  • A friend sent this to me.....made me smirk~!

    Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing
    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
    Day 683 of my captivity:
    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects
    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
    fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for
    the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in
    order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
    attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
    feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
    clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
    condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The
    audacity!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
    placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
    I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
    confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what
    this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
    tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
    this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
    snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
    released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
    obviously a nincompoop!

    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with
    the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
    captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
    so he is safe....... for now...

     

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